Helen and the Cheeseball…
In Eileen’s Comical Chronicles” there's one Christmas tale that stands out among the rest, featuring our neighbor Helen and a notorious cheese ball.
It all began on a sunny Florida Christmas morning when my mom, the embodiment of kindness, decided to invite Helen, our grumpy upstairs neighbor, to join us for our holiday dinner. We were living in a Deerfield Beach condo. Helen, who was an older woman who lived on the second floor alone. She would sit out on her balcony overseeing the entire property, watching the comings and goings. Often you would hear her yelling at people about the condo rules on parking and dog walking. She was the epitome of a condo commando.
Despite Helen's prickly exterior, mom believed she was just a lonely old woman and was in need of some holiday cheer.
As dinner preparations unfolded in the kitchen, my niece Alyson and I were tasked with extending the invitation to Helen. Alyson and i reluctantly went up to the second floor to knock on her door. Honestly, we both hoped she wouldn’t answer the door, but she did! She invited us in and we told her about my moms invitation, to our surprise, she eagerly accepted. Little did we know, her presence would add a memorable twist to our festivities.
The dinner guests were a diverse group, ranging from different backgrounds and walks of life. My uncle Ray and Aunt Mary, who was a devout Catholic, my sister Cathy’s husband who was Jewish, my sister Christine’s friend who had served time, it was a melting pot of diversity. As everyone mingled, Helen began making conversation with everyone expressing her very strong opinions. She was making comments that raised a few eyebrows. She didn't hold back, criticizing everyone from the Catholics to the Jews, and even the ex-convicts among us.
When Mom decided it was time for some pre-dinner snacks, thinking food would calm down the tensions that were building from Helen’s banter. Mom laid out a spread that included a large nut-covered cheese ball. This cheese ball, was placed on a beautiful cutting board with a small knife, it caught Helen's eye.
Mom went back into the kitchen to finish dinner preparations while the guests began perusing the array of snack foods, fixing plates. Without hesitation, Helen grabbed the entire cheese ball and plopped it on her plate, along with some other snacks. She sat down on the sofa next to Aunt Mary, whose jaw had dropped when she saw Helen’s plate. Helen proceeded to munch on the entire cheese ball, holding it in her hand, and taking bites right out of it, treating it like a hearty apple! She continued much to the shock and amusement of everyone around her.
I couldn't contain my laughter and rushed to the kitchen to inform mom.
"Mom, Helen is eating the cheese ball!" I exclaimed.
Mom, in her usual calm demeanor, replied, "That's okay, that's what it's for."
"No, Mom, she's eating the WHOLE thing!!!" I clarified.
Mom peeked through the pass-through to the living room and saw Helen devouring the cheese ball, oblivious to the spectacle she was creating. The sight was too much, and we all burst into laughter, our sides aching from the hilarity of it all.
That Christmas, we learned that even the grumpiest of neighbors could bring unexpected joy and laughter to our lives. Helen and the cheese ball became a story we'd recount for years to come, a reminder of the quirky, unforgettable moments that make family gatherings so special.
We also joked that poor Helen was probably constipated for days!!